i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
