i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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