I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
