Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
