sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
