This house was built for laser tag.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize