Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
