Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
