Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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