I want you more than these girls want KFC
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
