i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
