I hope my margaritas pass through security.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
