I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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