I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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