I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
