SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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