Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
