I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
