Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
