i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
