summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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