Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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