Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
