I'm gonna have a badass scar
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
