i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
