I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
