no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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