And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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