I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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