I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
