I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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