New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
