I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
