Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
