he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
