i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
