So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
