just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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