remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
