i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
