i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
