if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
