Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
