There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
