To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
