ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
