You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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