Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
