I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
