how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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