she was so not down for the gang bang
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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