im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
