I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
