I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
