NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
