Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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