i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
