Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
