Got a toothbrush?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
