Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
