I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My bed smells like the plague
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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