This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize