"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
