The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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