Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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