There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
