We're facebook friends in real life
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
