I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
