Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
