WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
