The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
