I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
